i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
