Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
