I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
