smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She's the barista slut.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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