wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
