My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
