I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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