Cold hands, warm shart.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
