he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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