let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
