she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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