would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
