oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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