i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
