I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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