sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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