I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Operation Purity has been aborted
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
