i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
