When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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