So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
