Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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