My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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