I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
