I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
