What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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