It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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