Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
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I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
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Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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