I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
