I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
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Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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