i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
