Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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