dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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