Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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