It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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