he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
