There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
