I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
