he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
