Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
