Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
