I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
