i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You made out with two different species that night
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
