if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
