before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
