I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I didn't notice because vodka
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
