So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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