After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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