im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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