i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
