"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
