so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
