honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
