you guys were way drunker than both of me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
