Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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