Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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