how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
