I'm gonna have a badass scar
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
