Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
