He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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