it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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