i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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