This is not my ceiling
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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