I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
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I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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