do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
