I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
