Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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