Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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