Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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