So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Oh god it's open bar.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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