and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
