chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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