He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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