So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
