i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
