i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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