i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was born a porn star she said
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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