peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize