You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
