Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
