doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
