girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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