I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
