If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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