What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
