and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
