it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
