I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
