3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
