You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Holy sore nipples Batman
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
